Someone who lied on their CV

Someone who lied on their CV and struggles at their job will be like:

  1. “Hired for coding skills, but can’t crack the password to your own email.”
  2. “Fluent in 6 languages, but none are used in the office.”
  3. “Master of Photoshop: Can’t even crop a photo.”
  4. “Said I was a ‘quick learner’—I meant in Netflix series.”
  5. “10 years of experience… in watching YouTube tutorials.”
  6. “Award-winning writer. The award? Participation in high school.”
  7. “SEO expert, but can’t find my own resume on Google.”
  8. “Professional with a capital P—Pretender.”
  9. “Excel pro: I excel at causing spreadsheet chaos.”
  10. “Social media guru: I have 500 followers and a TikTok addiction.”
  11. “Hired as a project manager, but can’t even manage my coffee intake.”
  12. “Eager team player: Eager to find someone else to do the work.”
  13. “Multitasker – can fail at several tasks simultaneously.”
  14. “Negotiation skills so good I convinced them to hire me.”
  15. “Data analysis whiz—still analyzing how I got this job.”
  16. “Digital marketing expert, AKA I have an Instagram account.”
  17. “Time management pro: mastered the 5-minute work, 55-minute break schedule.”
  18. “Networking expert: Knows how to connect to the office Wi-Fi.”
  19. “Leadership experience: once led a group in the wrong direction.”
  20. “Great at delegating: I delegate all my tasks to Google.”
  21. “Innovative thinker: Finds new excuses every day.”
  22. “Passionate about my work: Passionately avoiding it.”
  23. “Attention to detail, except in job applications.”
  24. “Financial analyst: Analyzes how to spend the paycheck before getting it.”
  25. “Customer service expert: Customers always right, because I never argue.”
  26. “Sales champion: Can sell myself into any job, can’t sell anything else.”
  27. “Tech-savvy: Can turn a computer on (most times).”
  28. “Master of public speaking: As long as it’s to my cat.”

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